Tag Archives: Life Lessons

Remembrance

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The world changed that day. 12 years ago. I was just three weeks away from moving to Boston and so hopeful for that next chapter of my life to begin. I had spent the summer working at an island law firm in the hopes that it would help me land that big city job. I remember the first phone call that morning. Andy R. The high-intensity NY businessman who was not only selling an island home but purchasing one the next day. “A plane has crashed into the World Trade Center. I can see the smoke from New Jersey.” I hung up the phone confused. How could this be? I had been on the observation deck years earlier. I was told that on a clear day you could see the curvature of the earth.

We were unable to access the Internet at the time as the network was congested (hard to believe, I know). And then, the second call letting us know what was going on. An attack. Thinking about it now it is still difficult to comprehend the magnitude. My innocence was lost that day. But in the days that followed, my faith in human kind ignited. In the end, love will conquer all. We must love our neighbors, our partners, our friends, our adversaries and most of all, ourselves. Remember this!

I stumbled upon this poem earlier. The beauty of the written word is so powerful. Holding you all close to my heart this evening!

Bright blue September skies
Hold all of the promises of tomorrow
And all of the memories of the past
September has a language of its own
One that I am not sure I understand most years
Where fall means stand up and hurt means
Hold on and hold still and hold up
September brings clear night stars
Which invite me to swallow the failures of before
And the regret of unfinished and to taste the sweet
Big Dipper full of the human experience
All good and bad and ugly and utterly elusive
No matter how much it hurts
When the hydrangeas start to go by
It’s time to soothe my heart again
To empty it of the pain of loss
And to keep the good and feel in my soul
That we never forget love and it all stays
All of it, every last little coffee date or hand in hand
We get to keep it, and add to it
What a precious privilege that is,
To know beyond certainty
That all of the days of my life
No matter what
I am the one
Who gets to keep your love.

Source: http://darlingmagazine.org/blue-september/

Risk

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Be You
Well… this is a post I have wanted to write for sometime. As I revealed a few weeks ago, I was hurt back in 2006. A hurt I was certain I would never recover from. And then, as with all things, time healed the pain.

After the rebound relationship, and “the right one that became the wrong one” and the ever so tragic (re)connection with a college beau, I officially swore off dating. And naturally, that’s when it always happens. It was March 2011, Boston. I had just returned from a little jaunt to Parrot Cay in Turks and Caicos, where I made the decision to stay single. We of course know what happens next.

It was one of those first spring days in March, a Friday to be precise and the hope of a new season was in the air. My girlfriend, her husband and I made our way to the Liberty Hotel, a hot-spot in Boston at the time. I was ordering drinks for all of us and was trying to be the nice girl in a crowded bar so asked the gentlemen behind me if he needed a drink… a coke and rye his response. When I turned around with drink in hand, there he was. M.  I apologized for not getting him a drink and he told me not to be silly as he held up his cocktail. He commented on my smile and I joked and said “tell me something I don’t know.”

My friend and her husband had to leave as she had consumed a few too many cocktails and as I walked them outside, I realized I had to make a decision: to call it a night or walk back into the crowded bar by myself to a man I had just met. Looking back, there was no choice at all. I walked right on in. The next few hours went by in a flash. Talking, joking, laughing. It was so natural. At the end of the night (morning, really), we parted ways. He asked for my number, which I kindly declined to give as really he wasn’t going to call. But he pressed and I gave in. As I drove away, I was certain I would never hear from him again.

But I did. M… he surprised me. And so began our friendship. Two weeks later, he invited me north to Toronto. At first, I kindly declined the invitation. How could I get on a plane and travel across international borders for a boy I knew so little about? But as I mentioned in last week’s post, I am a romantic and thus followed my heart and said yes. I booked a flight, a room at the Drake Hotel and counted down the days till my first Canadian adventure.

And what a weekend it was. A trip to Niagara Falls, oysters, my first caesar, exploring a new city with a new friend… I was on cloud nine. And thus began our long distance courtship. Phone calls and emails, and texts, and IMs… it was all just so easy. I invited him back to my city for Memorial Day weekend. Enjoying a place you love with a person you care for… it doesn’t get much better. The familiar takes on new meaning. The food at Ten Tables was that much more amazing. The bench on Commonwealth that I spent so many nights on was different now as we had sat there together. And then the time came to say goodbye. Neither one of us were very good with these. I stood at the beginning of the security line at Logan, watching him pass through check-points, waiting for him to turn around and smile. When we spoke that night, he said “I wanted to turn around but knew if I did I would never leave.” My heart (and head) were falling and falling hard.

A few weeks later, it all changed. After a weekend in Montreal, he began to pull away and days later I got the phone call I knew was coming. He said he couldn’t do it anymore… that I deserved more than he was capable of giving. A cop-out. Perhaps. Words I have heard before, for sure. I have had such a hard time letting him go. After several months I had my moment of clarity. M was the first man who allowed me to be me. Who enjoyed being with me for just how I was in those moments. I was just me and for a time, that is all he needed.

I haven’t spoken to M in nearly 18 months. He says it’s too hard to hear from me. I think of him nearly every day. But he taught me a very valuable lesson and for that I am eternally grateful. And I know he has brought me one step closer to the one who will want to step up and give me everything I so greatly deserve as he too knows I will do the same for him. Risks are good and although you fail at times, a lesson is always learned. And what good is life if we aren’t learning and growing.

 

Movie Monday

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Before Midnight
I think I have said this before but I am a true romantic and thus a sucker for a beautiful love story. The Before Sunrise trilogy, which I was just recently introduced to, may just be my favorite. If you aren’t familiar with these movies, please allow me a brief introduction.

The first movie Before Sunrise premiered in 1995 and introduced the world to Jesse and Celine, an American boy and a French girl, who have a chance meeting on a train and decide to disembark in Vienna, unplanned of course, and spend an evening together exploring the city and their new friendship. The film ends with Jesse and Celine at the train station making a plan to visit each other in the same spot six months later. Will they meet again?

Fast forward to 2004, Before Sunset. Jesse is in Paris promoting his recent novel about an evening encounter that turns into love (a work of fiction, of course). Through the crowd at the Shakespearean Book Company, where the reading takes place, Jesse catches eyes with Celine. They spend the afternoon walking Paris, similar to their time in Vienna, discussing life and the years lost. We learn that Jesse did indeed travel to Vienna to meet Celine. They share stories of their current relationships, their jobs and the love they still share for each other. The film ends with Jesse and Celine at her apartment. Will Jesse leave and get on the plane back to his wife and son?

Nine years later, we get our answer. Before Midnight begins with Jesse and Celine together in Greece with their two beautiful girls. Did true love prevail? You will just have to watch these films to find out!

These films show us the poetry of everyday life… how the simple choices we make can change our lives forever. Would you get off the train to spend an afternoon with someone you just met? Would you fight for the one who got away? My answer is emphatically YES! I will share more of my own “before sunrise” story later this week but let me leave you with this beautiful thought… “You can never replace anyone because everyone is made of such beautiful, specific details.” Embrace the wrong ones that got away. Don’t try to forget them. They lead you to what really matters. And as a sweet lady told me last week, “Remember, Maybeth… it only take’s one.”

Moments

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Hydra Greece
I was transported back to one of the greatest days of my life while indulging in the latest edition of Lonny Magazine over the weekend. Lonny is my go-to source for design, fashion and gift giving inspiration. This month, I was beyond excited to read their feature on photographer Mirabelle Marden, whose family home is not only stunning but is in one of the most magical places I have been blessed to visit.

I spent a day on the island of Hydra, Greece last November with a dear friend. We hadn’t planned on visiting any of the Greek islands but with a day to spare, we thought, why not. We boarded a fast ferry, something this island girl is quite familiar with, and were off.

Although it was November, we decided to pack our swimsuits just in-case. After exploring the shops and speaking with a few locals, we made our way to a restaurant about a 20 minute walk from the center of town but boasting fantastic views. Twenty minutes into our walk with no restaurant in site, we discovered a little beach and decided to take the plunge. Although the beach itself was quite rocky, the water was breathtaking. Below is one of my favorite photos from the day.
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We never did find the restaurant so we decided to head back to town to make sure we made our ferry, The Flying Dolphin, back to Athens. With little time to spare, we grabbed a spot at an outdoor bar and enjoyed a late bite. And while my mythos beer and greek pizza were satisfying, my favorite part of the dining experience was the brief statement on the menu:

We are lovers of the beautiful, yet we remain simple in our tastes, and we cultivate the mind without being lazy. Poverty is no disgrace for us; the true disgrace is in doing nothing to avoid it. We alone regard a man who takes no interest in public affairs, not only as indifferent but as a useless character. We alone do good to others not upon a calculation of interest, but in the confidence of freedom and in a generous spirit.

A great outlook on life if you ask me. Hydra… can’t wait to be back in your beauty again!

Time

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love
Eight years ago I thought my life was just beginning. I was standing in front of my childhood church wearing a white dress, my veil blowing in the summer breeze and ready to walk down the aisle to a man I had known for six years. And that day, everything changed.

I wish I could say it was the kind of love Hollywood movies are made of. A year later, I was standing in front of a judge ending it all. At the time, I thought I had lost everything. How could I ever love another again, trust again, feel again.

Over the last several years, I have learned a very valuable lesson… to love myself. In reflecting back on my courtship, engagement and marriage, I was taken aback by how many times I put my wants, needs and desires aside. I thought my life was complete taking care of another, worrying about another. There are certainly times in relationships where one gives more than they receive but the truly tragic piece of my love story was that I was always giving. Those who know me well, know that this is my personality type. But, what was my impetus for always giving more. Was it control? Was I trying to make it perfect so he would never leave?

This is my truth… my impetus for giving was based in fear. As a child of divorce, I thought I knew what caused the breakdown of a marriage. I had seen my parents fight about money, our home and the upkeep of it and about something as trivial as dinner. And so, I set out to right these things. I strove for perfection in our home, in my work and in myself. I tried to do everything in my power to make sure we wouldn’t fail. But we did. The reason my marriage failed was because I was acting to right the past.

At the time of my divorce, I had just turned 27. Those closest to me said I would be married again by 30. Here I am at 34, single. This past year has been a significant time of reflection for me. Figuring out what I want, who I am and who I want to become. Over the past month or so, I have come to the realization that once again I have let fear control my actions. When asked “do you want to marry again?” my typical response has been “I don’t know. I have been down that path before. Is it really worth it.” Or, “do you want children.” Again, my response is “I don’t know if that’s my story.” I have been afraid to say what I want as I fear that if I say it, and it doesn’t happen, I will once again be a failure.

So, today on this anniversary of mine, I am going to lay this fear of failure to bed. There is nothing more in this life I want than to fall in love with my best friend. I want a man who will make me laugh. Who when we are together, my cheeks hurt from all the smiling and laughing we do together. For as Rose Franken said, “Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly.” I want someone to explore this amazing world with. Who challenges me. Who makes me see things in a new, interesting and different light. Who will be there when I fall and who will let me be there when he falls. And one day, I hope we will enjoy the joys of parenthood.

I am so very grateful for the failure of my first marriage. Funny to say that now but it’s the truth. He wasn’t the man for me. Do I still love him dearly? Of course and I always will. But I know there is something greater out there for me and I can’t wait to see it unfold!

Gentle Reminders

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Yes!
Friends, I must ask for your forgiveness. I had big plans to write a thoughtful post this evening after work but in all honesty, today was a very long day. The island is abuzz and there are people everywhere. Some nice. Some not so nice. My patience was tested today… several times. I stumbled upon this photo from one of my favorite shelter publications, Lonny, and thought I would share it with all of you. Simple and so spot on and exactly the reminder I need this evening. The Sister Parish fabric gets me every time too!

Wishing you and yours a wonderful weekend!

Island Living – My Favorite Island Day

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IMG_2409
Sorry for the late post my dear friends but I have been struggling with how to convey my favorite island day to you. This little island has so much to offer. And then it just struck me… my “aha! moment”. The best island days are those surrounded by wonderful friends and delicious food. I am just returning home from such an evening and let me tell you, I am feeling truly blessed.

Life is about the spontaneous moments and decisions we make. Always saying “yes” to an invitation. Living in the moment. Granted, a night at The Chicken Box listening to Green Line Inbound will always leave this girl with a smile on her face but really, what makes island living so great is just the pure act of living. Not forced, not contrived, just being. And the best part, this is exactly why I came home a year ago. To live. To make mistakes. To be.

So there it is, my favorite island day. May you be blessed with great friends, great food, and a little sunshine this summer!

And, for all you on island time, I will see you at The Box in an hour or so 😉

Book Club

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photo-10
I go through phases where I devour books and fortunately for my intellect, I am in such a moment. I have just completed The Sense of an Ending by Julian Barnes and all I can say is wow. This short little read (only 163 pages) certainly packs a punch. It addresses the notion of memory and how one remembers and shares the past. “How often do we tell our own life story? How often do we adjust, embellish, make sly cuts? And the longer life goes on, the fewer are those around to challenge our account, to remind us that our life is not our life, merely the story we have told about our life. Told to others, but—mainly—to ourselves.” How do you tell your life story? Do you hide the pain? Do you embrace the rough patches? Owning my past and the choices I have made has been one of the best lessons I have come to terms with since moving home to this little island. Are there painful memories I wish to erase… at moments yes but I also know that they have made me who I am today and you know what, I am forever grateful for that.

Next up, My Berlin Kitchen.

Perspective

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Have you all seen this video yet? I have been having a rather difficult week, questioning many things and then I saw a friend posted this story about Zach Sobiech on Facebook. Wow… what a man! Sadly, Zach lost his life a few weeks ago but his legacy will live on. On this rainy day I am thinking of being high up in the clouds and I am reminded that things are ok when you believe in something greater.