Winter Bucket List

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Although the weather as of late feels like winter is upon us, the first official day isn’t till this Saturday. Gosh, I hope it goes by fast. To help pass these cold days by, I wanted to continue with my tradition of putting together a seasonal bucket list. Should any of you want to join me for any of these, you just let me know!

1. Ice skating on Frog Pond. It’s true. I lived in Boston for 11 years and never, ever went skating in the common. This needs to be remedied immediately, I know!

2. Catch up on the Classics. Casablanca, Breakfast at Tiffany’s, Some Like It Hot… I can’t believe how many of AMC’s Top 100 Classic Movies I haven’t seen.

3. Explore a New City. Atlanta is on the docket for early January. I have been twice but never really ventured beyond the convention site. Recommendations welcomed!

4. Host Ladies Night(s). Downton Abbey, Girls, a New Year. There are plenty of reason to get the ladies together. Just need to make it happen!

5. Send the Love. Send at least four care packages over the next three months to brighten someone’s day.

6. Build a Gingerbread House. Again, something I have never done. Since the holidays are going to be a bit quiet this year, perhaps I shall spend the 25th being an architect for the day.

Any winter activities that you love that I may have forgotten? Should note, I’m not a skier!

Gratitude

Gratitude
Indeed. I am so very grateful, and especially on this day of thanksgiving. And thus, first and foremost, I want to say thanks to all of you out there who read this little blog and let me share my life with you. Your comments, words of encouragement, actually clicking a link to read a story… still blown away by it all.

One of the things I value most in my writing is the actual act of putting pen to paper. For once the written word is down, it can never be erased. I believe it was Hemingway who wrote “write hard and clear about what hurts.” Well, today I am not going to write about what hurts but instead write hard and clear about what I am most grateful for. And there is so much.

My sisters – Megan, Marie and Michelle. Since returning to the island, I have come to realize that we are viewed as a package deal… The Soverino sisters. What a force to be reckoned with we are. And while I know we are all so different in how we view and approach this life, I want you to know that I am who I am today because of you. I can’t imagine life without you.

My brothers (from another mother) – Todd, Travis, Connor and Will. All I ever wanted as a little girl was a brother. And then, life brought me four. You have set the standard for what a man should be in my eyes. You guys are the best. And Will, thanks for looking down on me. I feel your presence always.

Nantucket – My sweet island. We have always had this push/pull relationship. Thank you for wrapping me up in your beauty and tranquility this past year and nurturing me through this year of discernment. And if I should leave you again, know you are always home and I am so very grateful for that.

My grandparents – Later on today, I will be enjoying dessert with my dear grandparents, Gladys and Malcolm, two of the sweetest people you will ever meet. Just last month, they celebrated 68 years together as husband and wife. Can you believe it?! My grandfather is known around town for always having a plentiful stash of lifesavers in his pocket to share and my grandmother keeps everyone at the nursing home on their toes with her laughter and charm. You both are a testament to all that is good in this world and have taught me that life really is about the simple things. So grateful to still be able to share these holidays with you both.

My friends – I began to list you all out by name but then realized that would probably bore my readers so I hope you know who you are. From San Diego to Germany, I am blessed to know some of the greatest people who walk this earth. Thank you, thank you, thank you from the bottom of my heart for always being there for me and making me laugh when I need it.

My little people – My sweet nephews, god-daughter, friends’ little ones… you all have returned my childhood innocence to me. Playing Candyland, or dolls, or riding bikes together, life really is sweet through your eyes.

New beginnings – We have all had them… ups and downs and moments where we think we can’t go any further. But then, the universe opens herself up and reveals a new beginning and you can’t imagine your life being any other way. These moments take my breath away and make me oh so thankful.

The little things – Dark chocolate with sea salt and almonds, a delicious latte with extra foam, a good book, my iPod, my Netflix account, the fast ferry, the slow ferry, my Volvo, a cozy sweater, my kitchen knife, my cookbook collection, my passport, an afternoon movie at Kendall theatre, Flour bakery, macaroons from Miette… the little things in life that warm my heart.

I hope you enjoy this day surrounded by the ones you love. And remember “As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.” Wise words indeed, President Kennedy.

Chain Mail Q&A

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I must be honest and say I have felt a little void of creativity as of late. I have no less than 5 drafts of posts just waiting to be finished and for some reason I just can’t muster the juices to get them done so apologies in advance for my recent silence. But, good news. I was inspired a bit when reading one of my favorites, Note to Self today. If you don’t follow this blog, you must. So without further adieu, here are my answers to the Chain Mail Q&A.

1. What is the most-played song in your music library? (Lifetime. Be honest.)
Just checked my iTunes library and it looks like it is “I Turn my Camera On” by Spoon.

2. What is your favorite thing about your current occupation or job, whatever it may be?
I love that I am surrounded by beauty in my current job at Nantucket Looms. From artwork to textiles, to tabletop, everyday I am immersed in a world so different from my office 45 flights up.

3. City or country?
My family and I were just discussing this yesterday while driving to Cape Elizabeth in Maine. And I must admit, I really do think I’m a city girl at heart.

4. What is your coping mechanisim after a really bad day?
A long drive with the windows down and the music on full blast followed by a Peroni and margarita pizza at Pi.

5. Favorite item in your closet right now? (Pictures welcome.)
I picked up the most delicious, coziest sweater at The Lovely back in August that I could literally live in this winter. The designer is Amateur and I may just die in it.

6. Skill or craft you still want to learn or work on?
My listening.

7. What is your most precious keepsake?
I have a few. My prayer book from my grandmother that was given to me as a little girl; my maternal great-grandmother’s gold band and my paternal great-great grandmother’s wedding band that was given to her on July 26, 1884. Her name was Lillian and I shall name my first daughter after her!

8. What’s at the very tip top of your holiday wish list this year?
Haven’t finished my list just yet but promise to share it soon for all your readers who want to shower me with some gifts!

9. What’s your favorite spot in the town/city/state you currently live in?
My beach to chase the sun as it’s setting. Doesn’t get much better. Just take a look of a recent viewing.
sunset no filter

To H

Letter H
My dearest H… I am so excited that I get to see you next week. Can’t wait to see the new house and your new room. Are you having so much fun? Thinking hide and seek in all the rooms will be a must!

One thing I know you are just beginning to learn about is the great joy(s) of being a big sister. As your mama might have told you, Auntie May comes from a rather large family. I am blessed to be the big sister to not only two sisters but three brothers. And let me tell you, at times it can be a bit challenging. You see, we are all so unique in our needs, desires and how we communicate with each other. So, my words of advice for you this week is get to know what makes your little sister smile. Is it reading Thomas the Train? Or playing dress-up in your closet? These things will certainly change with time but it is important to take the time to really get to know your sister. And in turn, I promise she will get to know you too.

Alright little H. Sweet dreams and I will see you on Monday!

To You

Sara Barellies is just one of those singer/songwriters whose lyrics speak to my soul. “Something always brings me back to you, it never takes to long.” Gravity. Gosh, everytime I hear that song I remember those feelings of lost love.

While enjoying her Blessed Unrest concert in Boston this past weekend, I was introduced to I Choose You, a letter Sara wrote to her future soul mate. Beautiful, right? So I was thinking, I should write one. Let me know what you think!

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Wow… what a road it has been to get to you. I really tried to never lose site of you at the end of this journey but I must be honest and say I maybe fell short a few times. But you, you have restored my faith in not only relationships, but love and myself. With you, I have found me. I was always worried about the silences I shared with lovers in the past. “What are they thinking” would run through my head. But with you. I love the silence. Because I no longer doubt how another feels for me. You show me with your words. You tell me with your actions.

I was worried I would have to chose between passion and friendship but you put that worry to bed. I finally found the one to be silly with. And honey, you make me laugh harder than I ever have in my life.

Where will this journey lead us? Only time will tell. But I will tell you this. I will be here for you. Every minute of every hour of every day. I know there will be challenges. I know there will be tears. But I also know that there will be great laughter. And adventure. And a journey we never knew we deserved until we were united.

And I just have to say this, I love that you love to kiss me as I much as I love to kiss you for it truly is one of my favorite things to do.

I am grateful everyday for you.

My King

King of Hearts
One of the many joys of island life is having wonderful friends come and visit. A few weeks back, I was able to spend a delightful morning with my dear friend R visiting from D.C. I really do have some talented friends. She was telling me all about this new podcast series she is working on with two of her friends down in the district “Ten Questions we Always Ask.” So what ten questions do they always ask? Well, you will just have to tund into the podcasts (available on iTunes) to find out.

Ok, fine. I will share just one with you. The questions is “what can you always be found with?” Let’s see… I always have my planner, a book, my journal, my favorite pen, my iPod and my king of hearts card. Yes, you read that right. My king of hearts card.

Since my divorce, I indulge in a yearly card reading. Why you ask? One of my greatest fears is that I will end up alone. I know, I know… I shouldn’t think such things but I do. So the one question I return to again and again (as he always ask, “is there something you want to focus on?”) is “will I find my great love/partner?” And you know, the card I have pulled more times than not is the king of cups. Lucky for me, there are few cards that are more loving than the king of cups, which indicates that someone who is very balanced and loving will enter your life in the future. Hope.

So how does the king of cups translate to my king of hearts card. Well, let me tell you. It all goes back to that wonderful series Sex and the City. I think it was a February night when I was siting in my apartment at 263 watching an old episode (season 6, episode 7 to be precise) when I realized, oh my god, my ex is Berger. Now don’t worry, he didn’t break up with me on a post-it note but the similarities are quite strong. Berger’s one redeeming quality was his quirky hobby of collecting playing cards found in the street. So I thought… I want to do this. And as you can guess, the first card I found was the king of hearts. My past leading me to my future? Yes, that is exactly how I see it!

And there you have it… the things I will always be found with. Be sure to tune into this bi-monthly podcast. I promise you will be well entertained.

To H

Letter H
I realize I didn’t make a formal introduction of the sweet little girl I was wishing happy birthday to a few weeks back. Forgive me. Her name is Henrietta. She is my god-daughter; is blessed with two of the greatest people I know for parents; and is the big sister to sweet little A. I thought it might be fun to share with her some lessons I have learned along the way. The first… take notice!

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My sweet H –

I simply can’t believe you turned three a few weeks ago. I still remember making the trip down to Collingswood to meet you when you were just a few weeks old. I knew instantly we had a special bond and I am so honored to call you my god-daughter.

First and foremost, I must say, I am writing these words simply as a point of reference for you. Now that I am in my thirties (not quite sure how this has happened) I realize that I wish I had been told similar things in my younger days. Not that I regret anything but I think points of view are always good to have and to hear. As your Mommy may have told you, I have been through quite a few changes these past few years. Last year, I decided to leave my steady life in Boston for Nantucket. I call it “my pause on life.” I wanted and needed some quite time to listen to that inner voice of mine (first lesson – listen to yours too) and you know what I have come to realize, the things I loved to do as a little girl are exactly what I am doing right now. Writing. It is something I did all the time as a child. Poems, short stories, our neighborhood paper. I loved to write. And somehow, along the way I lost that.

So my sweet H – my first lesson for you is this: take notice. If you find yourself doing something and loving every minute of it, maybe just maybe that is your calling.

Until next time, know that I think of you often and can’t wait to hear all about your vintage car birthday party this weekend. So sad to miss it.

Love you to the moon and back, my dear!
Auntie May

Remembrance

The world changed that day. 12 years ago. I was just three weeks away from moving to Boston and so hopeful for that next chapter of my life to begin. I had spent the summer working at an island law firm in the hopes that it would help me land that big city job. I remember the first phone call that morning. Andy R. The high-intensity NY businessman who was not only selling an island home but purchasing one the next day. “A plane has crashed into the World Trade Center. I can see the smoke from New Jersey.” I hung up the phone confused. How could this be? I had been on the observation deck years earlier. I was told that on a clear day you could see the curvature of the earth.

We were unable to access the Internet at the time as the network was congested (hard to believe, I know). And then, the second call letting us know what was going on. An attack. Thinking about it now it is still difficult to comprehend the magnitude. My innocence was lost that day. But in the days that followed, my faith in human kind ignited. In the end, love will conquer all. We must love our neighbors, our partners, our friends, our adversaries and most of all, ourselves. Remember this!

I stumbled upon this poem earlier. The beauty of the written word is so powerful. Holding you all close to my heart this evening!

Bright blue September skies
Hold all of the promises of tomorrow
And all of the memories of the past
September has a language of its own
One that I am not sure I understand most years
Where fall means stand up and hurt means
Hold on and hold still and hold up
September brings clear night stars
Which invite me to swallow the failures of before
And the regret of unfinished and to taste the sweet
Big Dipper full of the human experience
All good and bad and ugly and utterly elusive
No matter how much it hurts
When the hydrangeas start to go by
It’s time to soothe my heart again
To empty it of the pain of loss
And to keep the good and feel in my soul
That we never forget love and it all stays
All of it, every last little coffee date or hand in hand
We get to keep it, and add to it
What a precious privilege that is,
To know beyond certainty
That all of the days of my life
No matter what
I am the one
Who gets to keep your love.

Source: http://darlingmagazine.org/blue-september/

Risk

Be You
Well… this is a post I have wanted to write for sometime. As I revealed a few weeks ago, I was hurt back in 2006. A hurt I was certain I would never recover from. And then, as with all things, time healed the pain.

After the rebound relationship, and “the right one that became the wrong one” and the ever so tragic (re)connection with a college beau, I officially swore off dating. And naturally, that’s when it always happens. It was March 2011, Boston. I had just returned from a little jaunt to Parrot Cay in Turks and Caicos, where I made the decision to stay single. We of course know what happens next.

It was one of those first spring days in March, a Friday to be precise and the hope of a new season was in the air. My girlfriend, her husband and I made our way to the Liberty Hotel, a hot-spot in Boston at the time. I was ordering drinks for all of us and was trying to be the nice girl in a crowded bar so asked the gentlemen behind me if he needed a drink… a coke and rye his response. When I turned around with drink in hand, there he was. M.  I apologized for not getting him a drink and he told me not to be silly as he held up his cocktail. He commented on my smile and I joked and said “tell me something I don’t know.”

My friend and her husband had to leave as she had consumed a few too many cocktails and as I walked them outside, I realized I had to make a decision: to call it a night or walk back into the crowded bar by myself to a man I had just met. Looking back, there was no choice at all. I walked right on in. The next few hours went by in a flash. Talking, joking, laughing. It was so natural. At the end of the night (morning, really), we parted ways. He asked for my number, which I kindly declined to give as really he wasn’t going to call. But he pressed and I gave in. As I drove away, I was certain I would never hear from him again.

But I did. M… he surprised me. And so began our friendship. Two weeks later, he invited me north to Toronto. At first, I kindly declined the invitation. How could I get on a plane and travel across international borders for a boy I knew so little about? But as I mentioned in last week’s post, I am a romantic and thus followed my heart and said yes. I booked a flight, a room at the Drake Hotel and counted down the days till my first Canadian adventure.

And what a weekend it was. A trip to Niagara Falls, oysters, my first caesar, exploring a new city with a new friend… I was on cloud nine. And thus began our long distance courtship. Phone calls and emails, and texts, and IMs… it was all just so easy. I invited him back to my city for Memorial Day weekend. Enjoying a place you love with a person you care for… it doesn’t get much better. The familiar takes on new meaning. The food at Ten Tables was that much more amazing. The bench on Commonwealth that I spent so many nights on was different now as we had sat there together. And then the time came to say goodbye. Neither one of us were very good with these. I stood at the beginning of the security line at Logan, watching him pass through check-points, waiting for him to turn around and smile. When we spoke that night, he said “I wanted to turn around but knew if I did I would never leave.” My heart (and head) were falling and falling hard.

A few weeks later, it all changed. After a weekend in Montreal, he began to pull away and days later I got the phone call I knew was coming. He said he couldn’t do it anymore… that I deserved more than he was capable of giving. A cop-out. Perhaps. Words I have heard before, for sure. I have had such a hard time letting him go. After several months I had my moment of clarity. M was the first man who allowed me to be me. Who enjoyed being with me for just how I was in those moments. I was just me and for a time, that is all he needed.

I haven’t spoken to M in nearly 18 months. He says it’s too hard to hear from me. I think of him nearly every day. But he taught me a very valuable lesson and for that I am eternally grateful. And I know he has brought me one step closer to the one who will want to step up and give me everything I so greatly deserve as he too knows I will do the same for him. Risks are good and although you fail at times, a lesson is always learned. And what good is life if we aren’t learning and growing.